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My Little Brother

July 24, 2011

I have an amazing young man in my life who in my opinion is courageous VERY perceptive, very trusting and I want to tell all of you about him.

I caught a bus and missed my stop. I ended up at a park-n-ride not to far away and could catch a bus back in about twenty minutes. I noticed a kid sort of hanging out, he was wearing a soccer type uniform, just being a kid, cupping his hands onto the windows of the emply waiting buses peering inside then sitting on the curb sort of patting his hand in the dirt, all the while him glancing over at me sort of with a “wondering” look on his face.

With time to spare and a charity/thrift stores nearby I walked over and found myself being “shadowed”. At one point he apporached me not looking directly at me and said a shy “Hi, I’m Chase” I think I responed “Hi,buddy,I’m Philip what’s up?”, he replied “I think I’m like you..” like me?, I wondered and I asked “How?” he said “I’m like you,I like boys” MY GOD, is it THAT ovbious?-but-kids ARE hyper intuitive, never mind about me-this is about him.

I told him to sit down and we began talking. He was ten years old and going to be eleven very soon, all his guy friends are begining to notice girls where he is noticing boys. He has a lot of male friends as he’s popular and plays sports but his friends talk about is how much they hate Queers and Fags and how they want to kill them-and what will they do to him if they ever find out….

I’m getting teary eyed people. This little guy is in some serious pain here and very,very scared. By what spirit I was possesed by I know not when I asked if he was gonna hurt himself and he lifted his little eyes to mine suddenly tears pouring down his face,nose running at full tilt and said he managed to stammer out; “Sometimes I want to end it…”. When he looked up and his eyes met mine it was freakishly like some time-warp when I was his age looking at my OWN reflection in his face. That brought all MY repressed pain back so now we BOTH are crying-

I know we aren’t supposed to touch others kids and the reprocusions if you do, but FUCK-IT, as I of ALL people understand exactly how he is feeling. I was able to comfort him and wipe his tear away telling him it would be ok and it will get better. We talked for an hour before he had to get home-I make sure he had all my contact information and told him if he wanted, tell his mom and dad and I would talk to them with him. He left me way calmer than when he found me and actually was smiling-This was a good day.

The next day I got an email from Chase’s Dad in which I followed up with a phone call where he invited  me to meet he and his family for dinner downtown Spokane-he sounded sincere and friendly-I had a good feeling however my room mate Simon felt it might be “fishy” and was concerned-he gave me a lift downtown and expressed his feelings about how many parents of a ten year old would really be that thrilled to meet a fifty-two year old man who talked to their son the day before?  This reasoning did leave room for some concern-I was not worried and before I closed the car door, Simon said “I’ll go raise bail”. He’s so sweet, I love him alot.

I enter the restaurant and see my little friend wating to greet me, I extend my right hand-he screams “PHILIP!”, grabs me and hugs me, while my hand is still out I feel someone grab it and give it a firm shake, “Hi Philip, I’m Chase Sr., I follow Chase Sr. while at the same time being  lead by the hand by Chase Jr. to the table where I met Mom-we sat down and the conversation flowed easily considering how touchy the topic could be, with both parents glad their son met me as after he came home feeling better, he had a friend over last night, he had not done that in a while and played with some of his other friends today, again, something he had no interest in for some time-they expressed they were getting ready to check him into a local facility for treatment of serious depression.

During dinner we talk about my childhood and it’s difficulties, I keep the history of my transitions to a minimum for now as we are here for Chase and not for me-I exchange info about Odyssey: an organization that helps Gay youth and other LBGT: in general-AND for all reading the “It gets better” series on UTUBE: if you really want to understand you will view a few-I agree with Chase’s family that we should stay in contact and I’m unoficially yet offically his “Big Brother”-what amazing high for me, and what great accepting parents!

Chase is not yet at the teenage years where he’s awkward with his parents about showing affection or doesn’t want to be seen with them so it was very touching when his dad patted his lap and said “come here son”, Chase crawled up on his Dad’s lap, his dad craddled his head and told him he was loved and no matter what he turned out to be or who he love “Your Mom and I will always support you….”. Not a dry eye at that table- Including our server who just walked up, she was like, “wait, why are we all crying?”, LOL!

I’ve seen them once since and will for sure see them again-I’m blessed I didn’t make my stop that day as there are truly no accidents but there are Guardian Angels.


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  1. Will fireatte permalink

    What a remarkable story!

  2. jackie rector permalink

    What wonderful parents and thank God for you being in the right place at the right time! xoxo

  3. A great reflection Phillip. Your writing is intense as I found myself checking my breath and heart rate several times throughout. I hope Chase and his family will thrive thanks to the example of light you shine. Do keep us posted as to your “little Brother” and his path.

    • Hi John, right now as I type this my Little Brother and his family are vacationing at Disneyland-a end of summer treat before school starts-I’ve heard what a great time they are having and there are “ears” and a tee-shirt in the mail for me! Thanks for your kind works I’m truly blessed to know these great people and I tear up when thinking about my Little Brother, he is truly a special little guy-

  4. I am sitting at work trying desperately not to cry! What an amazing thing to happen! 🙂

  5. Jenny permalink

    I needed a reminder today that beauty is happening all over the place, even when I don’t see it. Thank you, Phillip. May I save this blog?

  6. Carrie Stirling permalink

    Philip you are amazing!

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