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Funny thing happened on the way to menapause

July 22, 2011

The decission to detransition has been ‘bubbling’ under the surface for many years now especially since I’ve lived in Washington. Like so many intricate puzzle pieces subtly laying themselves into place my eyes and mind  had to open and face who I am. Some examples would be the way you are treated by men you date-another is that transwomen as a whole, we are a very dysfunctional sisterhood. The caveat of my decission was a trip to my physician as I had a couple days I was just not feeling like myself-I was moody, enraged, eating like a horse-lots of out-of-character things. I had lost interst sometime back in dressing as female I just figured I was having a mid-life chrisis, menapause was kicking in and it would come back.

I’m in a new city trying to get settled and established I’m happy but it can be stressful, The Dr. discussed anti-depressents I don’t like to take them but short term is ok-I had not seen an endocrinolgist in years and stopped taking female hormones a couple year back as they were making me feel ‘strange’ all of a sudden. So they took blood and sent out labs to see where I was hormonally and the next day when I returned I was greeted by seveal Dr.’s and thought “uh-oh…” it was explained because of whatever reason my body and mind’s chemicals were that of a 14 year old boy going thorugh the early stages of puberty and medically, this could not be explained…..

UNBELIEVABLE- I had in the room with me an Endo, Phychologist, two other MD’s not that they had formal dealings with transpeople but I was asked in different ways by all present “Do you want us to stop this….?” My immediate answer without hesitation was “NO”. it was pointed out my voice could further deepen, I could get more body hair, and a number of other things-this is when things changed-I WANTED these changes, I WANTED to live as a man–and I loved now the fact I’m one of the guys finally and and out and proud gay man. So, here I am, getting a second chance at being “me” and I’m loving every minute of it!

Counceling was made avaliable to me and I do a couple times a week sometimes does good to talk to someone about lifes ups and downs-so I’m glad I have that as well as support of friends and family-this makes it SO much easier to detransition back to Philip.


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