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Hello world!

July 21, 2011

Hi, I’m Philip. I’m 52yrs old and grew up in a small East Texas town of Gladewater now residing in Spokane Washington.

I was born male and as far back as I can remember felt more female than male. I sought counceling and transitioned at a very early age, became Phoebe and lived very sucessfully as a transexual woman for 32 years. I loved living and being accepted as a female however now-I’m in the process of detransitioning back to my birth sex-and now living as an out-and-proud gay man.

My change of heart is as much a suprise to me as to all of you who know me so well. I’ve gotten so much support from friends, former classmates, business associates and I’m SO touched by all the well-wishes from everyone that it truly brings me to tears-you are all amazing!

Many of you have questions. Since I beleive the only ignorant question is the one not asked I invite you to follow along as I document my journey back. So many interesting lessons in human phychology are taking place with me on a daily basis-truly amazing and eye-opening experiences that so many of us can learn from whether we are transgendered, gay, straight, male or female.

Please participate, read,follow along and comment or ask questions. I also asked you be patient with me-I’m not an experienced writer-I’ve never blogged and just now started texting. I will try to answer all enquirys in a factual yet humerous way-I’m the first to laugh at myself and I will be frank(old gay joke: ‘May I be Frank?’-‘NO-you were Frank last night, it’s my night to be Frank!”)while trying NOT to bore my new audience.

Fasten your seat-belts friends! This should be educational and fun at the same time!

XOXOX,

Philip

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37 Comments
  1. Roo Moran permalink

    I met you as Phoebe, many years ago. I was jealous of your height, your gorgeous hair, your make up skills, your taste in fashion…..thank goodness you have eased my conscience about being envious of you every time I saw you!! Unless I become jealous of Philip too….let’s face it, you’re just an awesome person 🙂

    • Rucia, that is So sweet and I love you so much! There I assure you is no need to be jealos of me-I’m just me-accepting the Grace that is offered with a gratful heart and wanting to give back more than I receive as in “pay it forward. That is one thing I hope to accomplish with this blog! Thanks so much and please repost the blog info on your fb page-OXOXO

  2. txbluebont permalink

    we love you the way you are and have always been. i love you seeing the humor in it all.
    Gayla

    • Gayla, if we can’t laugh at ourselves first-and thanks so much I will always be grateful for your time and words of encouragment during my Mom’s illness and death, coming to Goodwill and visiting with you ladies was my only escape-brief though it was-you have my huge debt of gratitude for all you’ve done for me over the years.

      XOXOX
      Philip

  3. I just want to tell you I think you are an awesome person. I am so glad we are friends. Stay in touch through email, or face book. I always love hearing from you. I am proud of you. Stay who you are because you either Philip or Phoebe are the greatest truest friend I could have.
    xoxo , Darlene

    • HI Darlene, You are a dear friend I’ve know since Kindergarten and will always be my friend, I’ll NEVER lose touch! I thank you so much and thanks for joining my blog! I wish I were there so that beautiful and talented daughter of yours could help in my “make-over”! HELP! Nominate me to Stacy and Clinten at ‘What not to wear’!!!

      XOXO,
      Philip

    • Darlene thanks so much! I’ll see you in June!

  4. My dear friend, I am excited to see how your journey turns out, and I feel privileged and honored to be able to share your journey with you.
    🙂 ❤

  5. Hey Philip, Since you are going back to your birth sex, I am curious to know, do you”now” wish you had not transgendered? I’m sure you have had a beautiful life, filled with many friends who support you. I guess i’m just curious as to the reason for such a huge change.

    • HI Skip, No I have no regrets about transitioning-it had to happen to get me to where I am today which is comfortable with my body although it’s a work in progress to live as a man-Someting my dysmorphic view of my body as a young male would not allow to happen-I regret I felt that way about myself at that time-I was a good looking kid and young adult but I never saw that nor could feel ‘masculine’-couple that with growing up relating more to typical female traits such as sewing, liking dolls just in general being that sensitive and exposed you just wanna hide-or drastically do something to make yourself fit in so I transitioned and very sucessfully lived as a transgendered female for 32 years and felt as I fi in finally.

      The decission to detransition has been ‘bubbling’ under the surface for many years now especially since I’ve lived in Washington. Like so many intricate puzzle pieces subtly laying themselves into place my eyes and mind has had to open and face who I am. Some examples would be the way you are treated by men you date-another is that transwomen as a whole, we are a very dysfunctional sisterhood. The Careat of my decission was a trip to my physician as I had a couple days I was just not feeling like myself-I was moody, enraged, eating like a horse-lots of out-of-character things. I had lost interst sometime back in dressing as female I just figured I was having a mid-life chrisis and it would come back. I’m in a new city trying to get settled and established I’m happy but it can be stressful, The Dr. discussed anti-depressents I don’t like to take them but short term is ok-I had not seen an endocrinolgist in years and stopped taking female hormones a couple year back as they were making me feel ‘strange’ all of a sudden. So they took blood and sent out labs to see where I was hormonally and the next day when I returned I was greeted by seveal Dr.’s and thought “uh-oh…” it was explained because of whatever reason my body and mind’s chemicals were that of a 14 year old boy going thorugh the early stages of pubery…..UNBELIEVABLE- I had in the room with me an Endo, Phychologist, two other MD’s not that they had formal dealings with transpeople but I was asked in different ways by all present “Do you want us to stop this….?” My immediate answer without hesitation was “NO”. it was pointed out my voice could further deepen, I could get more body hair, and a number of other things-this is when things changed-I WANTED these changes, I WANTED to live as a man–and I loved now the fact I’m one of the guys finally and and out and proud gay man. So, here we are!

      If you have other questions please ask, I have enough in this answer for another post!

  6. Will fireatte permalink

    This is really interesting stuff… one of the things I’ve noticed is that English does not seem to have an adequate pronoun that means “he or she”… and so it is clumsy to talk about my friend Phoebe who is now Philip and how he (or is it she) did this, or is doing that. Here is your chance to really contribute something important to mankind…. come up with a pronoun that has no gender (or sexual orientation) implication! I unilatterally reject “they” or “it” or “he/she”! This is something they should have done back in the 60’s when they were realizing how much sexist terminology there was embedded in our legal language. “… and he (or she) may not be required to…”

    Good writing, by the way!

  7. That is great Will no need to feel awkward around me, I’m just a “Philip” and the same friend you’ve always known and thank you, I shall see you all really soon!

  8. Will fireatte permalink

    Me, feel awkward? (He (or she) said, looking over his (or her) shoulder nervously while trying to figure out what to do with his (or her) hands.) 🙂

  9. Richard from Iowa permalink

    How about I, me, my, and mine…or you and yours? : )

    Life is amazing, and anything is possible. Isn’t it grand that YOU are one to prove it?

    Glad to be here on your journey, and much love along the way!

    Richard

  10. Deba Files permalink

    Thank you for sharing your journey! You are an amazing, courageous and unique person regardless of your gender. I’m proud to call you my friend. xoxo, Deba

  11. Nancy permalink

    Well, I just want to call you Philbe! I met you as Phoebe, and accept you as Philip because you are shaped by all of what has come before in your life – as we all are. I think the idea of this blog is phenomenal! I don’t really understand how blogs work, but I hope this one gets out to a larger audience and therefore educates and assists many others worldwide. You are an inspiration for living to the fullest the one life we’re given…. I’ll definitely stay tuned.
    Your mannequin friend, Nancy

    • Nancy, thank you SO much! yes, I’m hoping it will gain a global audience-I need to ad more today-so much to say-I’ve got to fix it so random people can easily access it!

      XOXOX,

      Your mannequin friend, Philip

  12. allegra permalink

    I love you no matter what love always ,allegra

  13. lauramartine permalink

    PP- the description of the team of doctors waiting for you sounds almost scary. I would have had an anxiety attack the moment I saw there were more than my regular doctor. Great discussion about not having regrets about any stage of trans-detrans. I do stick with my depression meds along with my HRT regimine and will as long as possible. My meds are through a program by manufacturers because of my low income.
    We never met but I jonzed for you because of who you are. I think I still do want you. In my mind we are destined to be entwined in lustful romantic love. I know it is silly/forgive me. Your courage,strength, and sense of direction is so awesome I am humbled to know you walk the same paths as I. You will no doubt find peace, gentle happiness, and of course; a good man to love in your new life in no time.Life is short, if it ain’t fun-don’t do it.
    Laura Martine

    • Laura, you are NOT silly by any means, life is short and we SHOULD be happy! Long live and prosper my good friend!!!
      XOXO
      Philip

  14. Philip,

    Well, Here I am. I get a bit squirmy sometimes amidst some of the topics, with my strict Southern Christian (read narrow-minded) views. I hope you know all that matters is I have known you from the beginning, stuck with you through all the years, Love you as Philip or Pheobe or Philip again. Accept you always as you. Underneath all my questions (yes, I have some, I will get to those someday!) is a deep seated caring for the contentedness of your soul.

    You are a unique human being,no one has ever been created that is just like you & I rejoice in that! I am happy that you are on a path that is leading you to a greater sense of peace with who you are. God bless you PP. I am glad we have been friends for.EVER. Love you and look forward to an enlightening of my sense of who you really are 😉

    • Terry, thank you so much for participating and thanks for posting! I appreciate your support SO MUCH!!! I like your page too! Very nice!!!

    • Thank you for commenting-I’d rather be dead than living and have to be something I’m not! “To thine own self be true”!

  15. Chase Connery permalink

    Hey BooBoo
    So let me understand this . Your going to transition from being a sweetheart to become a sweetheart? ?? Ok! got it ! Love ya kid.Ours
    is a strange and wonderful relationship built on common passions and shared interests. I support you in all your dreams and your journey thru every sunrise of every day that you spend enhancing all of us who know you on all levels! You go kiddo !

  16. dave permalink

    do we get to see a before and after of you?

  17. Carrie Stirling permalink

    Hey Phillip, just found your blog ! I applaud you for being so open and forthcoming about your life! I was wondering what happened to Phoepe and now I know! I’m glad you finally found your true identity and are happy! You look great in all your pics! Glad to follow you on your journey !

    Love,
    Carrie Wells Stirling

    • Thank you Carrie, it’s been and continues to be a roller coaster ride! I hope to see you at our Class reunion in June!!!

      XOXOX,

      Philip

  18. Winnie permalink

    Hello Phillip,
    I, too remember you as Phoebie, however you were in the stages of transition. You were so beautiful … yes, your long lovely hair, your fashion & makeup sense, your incredible grace! You were more feminine than I and I, too, like Ruchia was jealous. However I was fortunate and thankful that you were my friend.
    You were not only physically lovely but a wonderful person who was/is extremely strong (not to mention so very artistically talented!) You taught me much about who you were, what you were dealing with and you also taught me much about myself! And we had some really fun times going to gay clubs (especially when Ruchia was pregnant!) You also were special to my kids and had helped form their adult lives making them non-prejudiced and acceptable of everyone …
    I so admired you having the insight to realize at the time that you were born into the wrong body, and had the courage to do something about it and to deal with small-minded, small-town “supposed Christian” assholes who could never accept your challenges. I remember so well how graceful and positive you were during your mother’s funeral … dealing with those unaccepting. You were admirable! Their loss!
    I still admire you for what you did years ago and now with your de-transitioning. You have such an incredible life story. You really should write a book. You are truly amazing and I hope you continue to help other people with whatever path is the right one for them as you have much to offer.
    I still have the artwork that you drew of “lil Ma (Gramma Winnie) I will treasure it always. I hope this finds you well and happy. I also don’t know much as to how to facebook, blog or any of this computer stuff. Jeff helps me on weekends. He says hello.
    I wish you all the best.
    Love, Winnie

    • Winnie, thanks so much for the good words and like you I have great memories of all out escapades together! I hope all is well an I’m gonna visit in June, count on me coming by for some catch-up time!

      p.s. Yes there is a book in the works!

  19. Craig permalink

    Philip,

    I’m glad you’re finding your way. You seem to be happy…and that’s something I’ve always wished for you. Some of us are still a little lost on our journeys. I admire your courage to search your heart and then follow it. I guess it’s been about 15 years and I can’t say I know myself any better now than I did then. But, I’ve been wanting to tell you, again, just how sorry I am that I couldn’t be there for you back then. You have always been a beautiful soul.

    Love,

    Craig

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