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September’s Blog

Hi folks and followers,  

It’s been forever since I’ve posted anything new but it really hasn’t been that much to report. I’ve decided to do a monthly post to keep In touch and up to date on new experiences regarding my Detransition.

Spending a lot of insomnia driven-nights hammering away at my still untitled Autobiography and of course working on it day & night-making progress if I say so myself… If I’m not writing-I’m creating-about only two activities saving my sanity! I had a very abrupt and unexpected move and it took a lot out of me and my dog Oscar, we survived. I’m in a month-to-month rental situation and am gonna be busy touring new places to find the perfect one where Oscar & I will be happy but-knowing it’ll take a while since I know I’m gonna be extra-super picky-my intention is this will be my last move here in Spokane, I finally, after recovered from move did unpack a few things to make place feel like home.

Our new place is tiny & in honor of Valerie Harpers passing & make myself feel better, I muse that I’m in Rhoda’s Attic! 20th of September is my six year “Maneversary” on testosterone-YAY, I can finally grow some facial hair!

Recently reconstructive chest surgery recommendation has just been for the second time submitted by my wonderful plastic surgeon Dr. Geoffrey Stiller-Wish me luck with that should be nice in this heat to be able to go shirtless. We’re fortunate to have Dr. Stiller here in Spokane performing Gender Affirming Surgeries. I have every confidence he’ll give me best result. https://stilleraesthetics.com This is the second submission the first submission they were given some to misinformation about a Physician’s “guess” on a diagnosis that was indeed not proved on any documentation and-this thoroughly confused the Powers that be in charge of making the decision. I was tuned down reason being:

“Detransition is not necessary to treat Gender Dysphoria” … ?????

Hopefully this time around it will be approved.I feel if I were a Transgender Male this would’ve been approved and I’d have had surgery and be completely healed by now… wish me luck-we’ll see.

I did finally get my name changed back to Philip Paul Porter in June making me feel “official” and have gotten all Agency’s applicable switched to new name and still carrying Phoebe ID just in case there are any crossed-wires with anyone or anything. Also have on me official Court Stamped copy also just n’ case I run into any problems.

I did lose my job in June-I don’t agree with the “why”. It was explained to me-its a “system” that leaves no room for human input but I can’t belief some discretion can’t be given…. screw them-

I’ve decided being broke sucks and I’m grateful for unemployment but it just doesn’t stretch far enough by any means so-decided to make a living with my Art being a Charicture  Artist-

Oscar & I can travel to events here and there to fairs, carnival’s, Renaissance Faires(MY FAVORITE!!!)kids and adult Birthday Parties, conventions, family reunions I can just about work anywhere, in any state and mix business with pleasure getting to see friends and family I’d rarely  if at all  all get to meet & reacquainted!!!! WIN-WIN!!! I’m only out paper & Sharpies-near about pure-profit! I going to feel like such an Entrepreneur, Tycoon, Mover-Shaker! First engagement is later in September. This may put me on road to Working for myself!

Of course like all since 2005’, I missed our 40th Class Reunion & got the Wonderful Class Directory with my story being so long I scored two pages! Wonderful job! Thank you Nena Baker❤️❤️❤️!!!

I’m restoring some frayed squares on my cousin Glenda’s Heirloom Quilt where one section of squares has frayed. Not being able to locate exact square or anything near it-I’m hand painting each square individually matching the print than replacing frayed squares with the new ones. Looks like you’ll never know anything was done and that’s a successful restoration!

I had privilege of volunteering my Mannequin Expertise to restoring several Mannequins for Chehalis 4-H’s Sewing Program- I’m telling you-these young ladies are learning some SKILLS!

I created a Mannequin for a Specific Turn-of-Century Gown on Exhibit. Client didn’t want it shown on “Those hideous alien looking things” so-we compromised between abstract & realistic. Result was perfect!

I also had privileges well to alter/hem Chelsie’s High-low Wedding Gown for she and Joe’s Los Vegas Wedding. It was my gift to both and I did a stellar job!

I guess y’all are caught up for now-till October, thanks for reading and do take care!

Goodnight all &, thanks for reading my blog!

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One last try being comfortable as a guy

. FLASHBACK! BLAST from WAY-BACK!

Friend who’s family owned our newspaper found this in some files and sent it, me making the effort to see if I was comfortable as a Gay man and that failing-before destroying my male body with Estrogen and silicone. At the time I felt I was hideous, result of extreme Body Dysphoria.

Seeing this today, I’d say I wasn’t a half-bad looking guy. I’m grateful to have this account of how I once looked

Body Dysfmorphic Disorder

Book excerpt:

Y’all probably never knew of “Body-Dysmorfic Disorder. I’ve suffered from this as article suggests-from puberty when my body made a weak attempt to morph from a smooth kids body to a man’s-insecurity as if I didn’t have enough slammed into me like a brick wall. After decades of suffering from it-no longer suffering from it I will admit at present I still have some residual of this awful disorder that by itself and coupled with depression can truly ruin lives.

I am able to live with it now due to therapy and meds that help clear my head of such flotsam & jetsam.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder

Entering the Rabbit Hole

Making Love, an 1980’s movie about Writing this book I reach back as far and ask to remember and report what’s relevant.

Probably the first movie I’d seen regarding such a subject as well as first film I think it played on TV That conveyed a time when bring Gay or the subject was just seeing the light of day after a long period of us hiding;

Making Love is a 1982 American drama film directed by Arthur Hiller and starring Kate Jackson, Harry Hamlin and Michael Ontkean. The film tells the story of a married man coming to terms with his homosexuality and the love triangle that develops between him, his wife and another man.
Making Love is a 1982 American drama film directed by Arthur Hiller and starring Kate Jackson, Harry Hamlin and Michael Ontkean. The film tells the story of a married man coming to terms with his homosexuality and the love triangle that develops between him, his wife and another man. The story is told from the wife’s point of view.

Over course of being born male, being Gay, thinking I was straight, uncomfortable being a Guy(again, after third & last time, Lived as Transgender Woman, now back to birth Sex, male I failed to feel like a Guy to much to pretend)I came out and began a trip down the Rabbit Hole that would take me were I can assure you a great number of men who are questioning their sexuality reside. Some very young, some married with kids who knew but wasn’t sure, Guys never been married and thought about guys, Well, here I am one way or other them feeling safe with me and be who you are. More about this in my Autobiography where this is taken

Image may contain: 3 people, people smiling, text

Article in “Texas Standard”,”The Whole Truth”, my interview last year by Joy E. Diaz

https://www.texasstandard.org/stories/i-was-born-male-and-became-a-houston-oilers-cheerleader/

Been a while but-I’m back

  • I’ve felt for a very long time I’ve got like really I had nothing to say probably more to live getting in the way and other things happening in taking priority but I’m dedicating myself to adding new things as they come up and on earlier catching up on the old thing so here we go’s;

Recently it’s been in the news that Pro-Football Cheerleaders are adding men to the mix! Wasn’t this me I’m High School, the only male on the Pep Squad?

Wasn’t easy for me to be-it was mandatory to be on the squad to quality for Cheerleader try-outs. Principle at time called to his office and tried to drill into me “Men don’t do that”, I told my Mom and next day I again was called into his office where my Mom was with the Principal who had obviously been crying, he through he’d face and watery eyes stammered an apology for his behavior the day before and Said was welcome to be on Pep-Squad and try out for Cheerleader! Had not my Mom been in my corner, gone up to School and “Ripped-him-a-new-one” like he tried to do to me the day before-it wouldn’t ever happened! Thanks Mom! Seems things come back around-look at Jesse here tear it up-he needs Poms though! One battle at a time!

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1747326/Video-male-cheerleader-NFL-performs-Saints-pre-season-game.html

Pics are me on Gladewater High School Pep Squad first and only male at this time, me in my Doll Days as a Houston Oilers Cheerleader, whole squad, mugging with vintage crepe paper Poms in my School colors-Orange & Black “ GO BEARS”! And one of me in a vintage School Jacket from friend & Mannequin Customer, and – Pic of my Guy Jesse Hernandez  holding his own with these Beautiful Women on the Saints Squad!

Yep, since seeing our Cub Cheerleaders in 8th grade(1973)I wanted to be part of this Sorrority and I’m glad Jesse with the Saints Squad and the couple others with LA Rams are allowed to participate in an activity for decades dominated by Ladies! Times are-a-changing!

Huffing Post Interview August 9, 2013′

 Interview with me concerning my de-transiton:

Imagehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/09/transgender-nfl-cheerleader_n_3728301.html