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Last blog of 2019 no

 
Merry Christmas& Happy New Year all! So much for me intending to post every month-to be honest,not much has changed. Still haven’t heard back from Insurance regarding my chest reconstruction. I am leaving my present residence we call “Gray Garden” into a high rise downtown. looking towards the relocation, first time in probably 15yrs I won’t have a roommate or boarding situation. this will be last move here in Spokane for Oscar & I This will be our last move here in Spokane.
This will be a an adjustment for both of us. Don’t know how Waaaaaaaaaaaaay more room than we have had previously. I can once again create, relax, lots of pups for Oscar to get to know. It doesn’t seem real. I’ll know about second week into the New Year when I can move in. Excited, nervous, it’ll be great-but it’s the unfamiliar. At my age change takes longer to settle, I’m more than blessed with all my friends supporting me and offering to help with the move.He support in general is awesome! Praise God. I’m lucky-I have so much to be thankful. Great way to start the New Year!

I’m still taking Testosterone, I think even after five years, things are still changing. I’m getting a hairier, maybe on way to becoming a “Bear”, LOL! I know I’m stronger and can handle stress way better with the boost that happens with Testosterone Replacement. Its affirming and validates my decision to De-transition.It was right thing to do for me. Also, my jaw is squarer 

I am pleasantly surprised to be getting some Mannequin Restoration work and query’s from other after completing the Turn-of-the-Century wax Mannequin and a 1920’s Plaster Charicture Guy(before and afters posted). I had a couple transactions and rentals that went off without a hitch so, I’m inspired to create a Website to get my services out there, get known. I’m simple and non tech. I’ll have to get onto Pinterest, Twitter, anything else like this for promotion tools

Being Winter has arrived,occupying my time working on cousin’s quilt. I’m hand painting squares to copy the degraded squares-just about done and ready to stitch them onto the quilt.I’m practicing my charicture skills and decided to get back into cutting silhouettes as well. Pretty excited at prospect I may be self-employed again. I’ve started taking Alteration work as well, not much not but word will get out. Also, created my own two-panel Digital Art Piece “The Eyes Have It”. Feverishly working on my Autobiography as well like I’m possessed!

HI did get my name legally changed back to “Philip Paul Porter”! Got all records changed pretty easily-no flack at all!

I’ll have way more to share next blog being settled and all. Lots of new adventured ahead of Oscar & I. Till Then, have a Great HOLIDAY and New Year.

Sincerely,
Phil

September’s Blog

Hi folks and followers,  

It’s been forever since I’ve posted anything new but it really hasn’t been that much to report. I’ve decided to do a monthly post to keep In touch and up to date on new experiences regarding my Detransition.

Spending a lot of insomnia driven-nights hammering away at my still untitled Autobiography and of course working on it day & night-making progress if I say so myself… If I’m not writing-I’m creating-about only two activities saving my sanity! I had a very abrupt and unexpected move and it took a lot out of me and my dog Oscar, we survived. I’m in a month-to-month rental situation and am gonna be busy touring new places to find the perfect one where Oscar & I will be happy but-knowing it’ll take a while since I know I’m gonna be extra-super picky-my intention is this will be my last move here in Spokane, I finally, after recovered from move did unpack a few things to make place feel like home.

Our new place is tiny & in honor of Valerie Harpers passing & make myself feel better, I muse that I’m in Rhoda’s Attic! 20th of September is my six year “Maneversary” on testosterone-YAY, I can finally grow some facial hair!

Recently reconstructive chest surgery recommendation has just been for the second time submitted by my wonderful plastic surgeon Dr. Geoffrey Stiller-Wish me luck with that should be nice in this heat to be able to go shirtless. We’re fortunate to have Dr. Stiller here in Spokane performing Gender Affirming Surgeries. I have every confidence he’ll give me best result. https://stilleraesthetics.com This is the second submission the first submission they were given some to misinformation about a Physician’s “guess” on a diagnosis that was indeed not proved on any documentation and-this thoroughly confused the Powers that be in charge of making the decision. I was tuned down reason being:

“Detransition is not necessary to treat Gender Dysphoria” … ?????

Hopefully this time around it will be approved.I feel if I were a Transgender Male this would’ve been approved and I’d have had surgery and be completely healed by now… wish me luck-we’ll see.

I did finally get my name changed back to Philip Paul Porter in June making me feel “official” and have gotten all Agency’s applicable switched to new name and still carrying Phoebe ID just in case there are any crossed-wires with anyone or anything. Also have on me official Court Stamped copy also just n’ case I run into any problems.

I did lose my job in June-I don’t agree with the “why”. It was explained to me-its a “system” that leaves no room for human input but I can’t belief some discretion can’t be given…. screw them-

I’ve decided being broke sucks and I’m grateful for unemployment but it just doesn’t stretch far enough by any means so-decided to make a living with my Art being a Charicture  Artist-

Oscar & I can travel to events here and there to fairs, carnival’s, Renaissance Faires(MY FAVORITE!!!)kids and adult Birthday Parties, conventions, family reunions I can just about work anywhere, in any state and mix business with pleasure getting to see friends and family I’d rarely  if at all  all get to meet & reacquainted!!!! WIN-WIN!!! I’m only out paper & Sharpies-near about pure-profit! I going to feel like such an Entrepreneur, Tycoon, Mover-Shaker! First engagement is later in September. This may put me on road to Working for myself!

Of course like all since 2005’, I missed our 40th Class Reunion & got the Wonderful Class Directory with my story being so long I scored two pages! Wonderful job! Thank you Nena Baker❤️❤️❤️!!!

I’m restoring some frayed squares on my cousin Glenda’s Heirloom Quilt where one section of squares has frayed. Not being able to locate exact square or anything near it-I’m hand painting each square individually matching the print than replacing frayed squares with the new ones. Looks like you’ll never know anything was done and that’s a successful restoration!

I had privilege of volunteering my Mannequin Expertise to restoring several Mannequins for Chehalis 4-H’s Sewing Program- I’m telling you-these young ladies are learning some SKILLS!

I created a Mannequin for a Specific Turn-of-Century Gown on Exhibit. Client didn’t want it shown on “Those hideous alien looking things” so-we compromised between abstract & realistic. Result was perfect!

I also had privileges well to alter/hem Chelsie’s High-low Wedding Gown for she and Joe’s Los Vegas Wedding. It was my gift to both and I did a stellar job!

I guess y’all are caught up for now-till October, thanks for reading and do take care!

Goodnight all &, thanks for reading my blog!

One last try being comfortable as a guy

. FLASHBACK! BLAST from WAY-BACK!

Friend who’s family owned our newspaper found this in some files and sent it, me making the effort to see if I was comfortable as a Gay man and that failing-before destroying my male body with Estrogen and silicone. At the time I felt I was hideous, result of extreme Body Dysphoria.

Seeing this today, I’d say I wasn’t a half-bad looking guy. I’m grateful to have this account of how I once looked

Body Dysfmorphic Disorder

Book excerpt:

Y’all probably never knew of “Body-Dysmorfic Disorder. I’ve suffered from this as article suggests-from puberty when my body made a weak attempt to morph from a smooth kids body to a man’s-insecurity as if I didn’t have enough slammed into me like a brick wall. After decades of suffering from it-no longer suffering from it I will admit at present I still have some residual of this awful disorder that by itself and coupled with depression can truly ruin lives.

I am able to live with it now due to therapy and meds that help clear my head of such flotsam & jetsam.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder

Entering the Rabbit Hole

Making Love, an 1980’s movie about Writing this book I reach back as far and ask to remember and report what’s relevant.

Probably the first movie I’d seen regarding such a subject as well as first film I think it played on TV That conveyed a time when bring Gay or the subject was just seeing the light of day after a long period of us hiding;

Making Love is a 1982 American drama film directed by Arthur Hiller and starring Kate Jackson, Harry Hamlin and Michael Ontkean. The film tells the story of a married man coming to terms with his homosexuality and the love triangle that develops between him, his wife and another man.
Making Love is a 1982 American drama film directed by Arthur Hiller and starring Kate Jackson, Harry Hamlin and Michael Ontkean. The film tells the story of a married man coming to terms with his homosexuality and the love triangle that develops between him, his wife and another man. The story is told from the wife’s point of view.

Over course of being born male, being Gay, thinking I was straight, uncomfortable being a Guy(again, after third & last time, Lived as Transgender Woman, now back to birth Sex, male I failed to feel like a Guy to much to pretend)I came out and began a trip down the Rabbit Hole that would take me were I can assure you a great number of men who are questioning their sexuality reside. Some very young, some married with kids who knew but wasn’t sure, Guys never been married and thought about guys, Well, here I am one way or other them feeling safe with me and be who you are. More about this in my Autobiography where this is taken

Image may contain: 3 people, people smiling, text

Article in “Texas Standard”,”The Whole Truth”, my interview last year by Joy E. Diaz

https://www.texasstandard.org/stories/i-was-born-male-and-became-a-houston-oilers-cheerleader/

Been a while but-I’m back

  • I’ve felt for a very long time I’ve got like really I had nothing to say probably more to live getting in the way and other things happening in taking priority but I’m dedicating myself to adding new things as they come up and on earlier catching up on the old thing so here we go’s;

Recently it’s been in the news that Pro-Football Cheerleaders are adding men to the mix! Wasn’t this me I’m High School, the only male on the Pep Squad?

Wasn’t easy for me to be-it was mandatory to be on the squad to quality for Cheerleader try-outs. Principle at time called to his office and tried to drill into me “Men don’t do that”, I told my Mom and next day I again was called into his office where my Mom was with the Principal who had obviously been crying, he through he’d face and watery eyes stammered an apology for his behavior the day before and Said was welcome to be on Pep-Squad and try out for Cheerleader! Had not my Mom been in my corner, gone up to School and “Ripped-him-a-new-one” like he tried to do to me the day before-it wouldn’t ever happened! Thanks Mom! Seems things come back around-look at Jesse here tear it up-he needs Poms though! One battle at a time!

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1747326/Video-male-cheerleader-NFL-performs-Saints-pre-season-game.html

Pics are me on Gladewater High School Pep Squad first and only male at this time, me in my Doll Days as a Houston Oilers Cheerleader, whole squad, mugging with vintage crepe paper Poms in my School colors-Orange & Black “ GO BEARS”! And one of me in a vintage School Jacket from friend & Mannequin Customer, and – Pic of my Guy Jesse Hernandez  holding his own with these Beautiful Women on the Saints Squad!

Yep, since seeing our Cub Cheerleaders in 8th grade(1973)I wanted to be part of this Sorrority and I’m glad Jesse with the Saints Squad and the couple others with LA Rams are allowed to participate in an activity for decades dominated by Ladies! Times are-a-changing!

Huffing Post Interview August 9, 2013′

 Interview with me concerning my de-transiton:

Imagehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/09/transgender-nfl-cheerleader_n_3728301.html

TransGriot article: Philip Porter, Derrick Doll And Detransition Thursday, August 15, 2013

I had not scene this till recently, I found it very well done and in excellent taste! Thank you Gennee!:

http://transgriot.blogspot.com/2013/08/philip-porter-derrick-doll-and.html

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Thursday, August 15, 2013

Philip Porter, Derrick Doll And Detransition

 
Until they moved to Nashville and became the Tennessee Traitors, I was a huge Houston Oilers fan.  When they started their cheerleading squad called the Derrick Dolls, one of my college classmates Thomasina was on it for a few years. 

And yes, it bothered me during the 80’s that I was in the wrong body to even have a shot at trying out for it and I was jealous of Thomasina for a minute because she was on that squad.  

So it jolted me when I heard about my fellow Texan Philip Porter’s detransition story and it subsequently coming out that during his 32 years as Phoebe he had been an NFL cheerleader in his trans feminine life. 

As he told his story on HuffPost Live recently, and seeing this picture of Phoebe as a trans Derrick Doll brought those memories back on how I felt back in my wandering in the gender wilderness 80’s.  

When I was watching those NFL home games being played at the Astrodome along with much of the city of Houston, I was struggling with my own gender issues.  It occurred to me that during the 1992 and 1993 season that Phoebe would occasionally pop on our TV sets, be part of two Derrick Dolls group photos, and take part in the various events the Dolls performed at or graced as hostesses around the city I was taking major steps to get my own transition started.   

Screen Shot 2013-08-10 at 6.05.44 PM
I respect Philip’s decision to detransition and hope he’s happy.  It’s his life, his journey and I wish him the best.   

But it also gives me an opportunity to talk about the contentious subject in Trans World of detransition.   

We transpeeps go through hell and back just to be recognized as the people we are now, and that journey to be our true selves is a satisfying one to 95% who aren’t even thinking about detransition.  That percentage shoots up to 98% if you include the people who have genital surgery.  

At the time I was doing my transition in 1994, one of the WPATH requirements in place was I had to do the ‘Real Life Test’ in order to get approval from my gender therapist to have genital surgery.  That RLT was in place so that people had an opportunity to back out if they were having second thoughts or had difficulty adjusting to life on the other side of the gender fence before the surgeon’s scalpel came into play.    

She said: 'I don't want to live in isolation, away from everyone I love. This is the only way forward. I just want to be happy and this is my last chance.'But instead of the focus on trans issues being about the people who are happily navigating their post transition lives or our challenges, the media focus at times becomes fixated on the very few people in our community who transition and decide to go back as Don Ennis,Ria Cooper and Philip Porter did.  

And sometimes it is the bizarre reasons these detransitioning peeps give for why they are doing so that also sets us off in Trans World.  

The oversaturation coverage of the instances of people detransisitioning leads to cis people asking us the annoying ‘When are you going to go back?’ question.   

When I got asked by a female student that question during an HCC-Southeast Trans 101 discussion I was conducting last year, my response to that student was why would I go back to the miserable existence and life I had before transition? 

There are a lot of reasons why people do so and it really should be a personal issue, but as the old saying goes, the personal can become the political.  That’s especially true when you have a marginalized group fighting for human rights coverage and at the same time be understood by the general public.  As they do so everything that happens to that marginalized group good, bad or indifferent is framed in that political context, especially by its enemies.  

It’s why detransition is such a contentious topic in the transgender community.  We get prickly about it not only because of our own personal psychic and sweat equity investments in perfecting our gender presentations and gender identities to the world, but by the awareness that far too often some of the people who do detransition become the trans equivalent of ‘Ex Gays’.      

Former Transgender Tells His StoryThey are seized on in conservative circles as a reason why trans human rights coverage shouldn’t be granted to the rest of us who are very happy in the trans skins we’re in.   

The detransitioned ‘Ex-Trans’ folks are also pimped by the Religious Reich and groups like PFOX as poster children and ‘proof’ that you trans people can use prayer to turn away from your ‘sinful’ lives as trans people 

Funny, it was after I attended a 1993 TD Jakes revival in Los Angeles and prayerful contemplation my faith led me to write the letter to the Rosenberg Clinic asking for the first available appointment that started my transition.

BTW peeps, Pat Robertson has said twice what we already know, that transsexuality isn’t a sin. 

But that doesn’t stop the Religious Reich from not only trying to push that loud and wrong message, they also use these stories of detransitioned ‘Ex Trans’ folks as a way to pimp their religious conversion therapies.

They are the same ones that didn’t work for gay folks, but they are now trying to retool them to grab the cash of parents desperate enough to try them to ‘fix’ their trans children.  

Whether it was the loathsome Jerry Leach in Kentucky or the recent story thatSabrina Samone told on her blog about P-FOX trumpeting the story of her ‘Ex-trans’ friend Darrell, the trans community gives these stories the hostile side eye when we hear them.  

Another reason for the trans pissivity when the issue of detransistion comes up besides the right wing and other trans haters exploitation of it is our sadness about the tragic story of Mike Penner, the LA Times sportswriter who famously transitioned to become Christine Daniels, transitioned back to Mike and committed suicide. 

So yes, Trans World is concerned on many levels when we hear about people detransistioning, but our biggest concerns are always going to be focused on the side of the well being of the person going through it.  

But if you use it as a way to attack the trans community in general, it’s on like Donkey Kong. 

 

My abilities as an Empath

star trekThis post may have little or nothing to do with De-transition but I’m trying to get out there that anyone can tap into this to their own Empath powers to improve their lives:

I came to know with help of my good friend Richard who has the gift of knowing, I’m blessed with a gift that makes me an Empath. Ever since I can remember as far back as my mind can reach, I upon sight “know” about a person. I can’t make you bend to my will but I an tell if you are depressed or happy, I can tell your motives about things but mostly how you feel about and your intentions toward me. this gift applies to being receptive to humans and animals and sometimes inanimate objects can speak to me-actually their cell memory, I can pick up on their former human owners feelings-confirming-what I already knew about animals having souls and inanimate objects are not really inanimate. I wish I had know just a tat earlier, this what can seem “nagging-tugs” could have saved me some very monetary/costly humiliation in business and a lifetime of hurt. all this has or will pass and it will be fine. Philips’s daily dose of Empath’s Wisdom to the masses is: never-ever second guess your first instinct-ever. Whether it is about someone or the answer on a test. We’ve all changed and answer on a test to find later that the first answer was the correct one leaving the second guessed answer wrong. same thing applies here. Wishing all a blessed Saturday, XOXOX