I was given permission by a wonderful dear lady from East Texas who’s been a friend for what seems like forever to post her reply when I posted I was closing out “Phoebe’s Yahoo Acct. and the files I had not seen in so long, going through, deleting, fwd-ing important one’s to “Philip’s Yahoo Acct., etc., I was surprised at her reply but my friend had only knew “PHOEBE” and upon reading the below post about deleting Phoebe’s Yahoo account had this very moving message that made me cry, this is truly the traits one wants in friends and I’m blessed Roo to know you and Love you dearly as you Love me:——————————————————————————————————————————————————–
I want to say Dear Phoebe, but I need to get used to Dear Philip. I have to tell you this is a bit difficult for me. I know mentally that you have made the change back to Philip, but you see…I never knew Philip. I knew Phoebe. Phoebe was gorgeous and talented, sweet and hilarious. Phoebe would tell me if my fashion was hip or a drip, my make up great or caked. Phoebe was witty to a fault and always made me smile or laugh, especially when I needed it most. Phoebe knew when I was down to my last nerve or needed to escape. Phoebe understood art…one of my passions, even those I couldn’t paint a stick person. Phoebe loved a good biography book as much as I did and let me borrow hers (I still have them, but you have to come get them!) . My point is this. I think I need to grieve. I haven’t accepted the reality of Philip yet. I HATE this feeling that I will never see Phoebe again….I refuse to accept the fact that Phoebe is no more. Phoebe was my friend and I loved her goofy self. I never got a chance to say goodbye. I admit I cried….I don’t think I’m through crying…like I said, I’m grieving, but eventually…with Philip’s help, I can get past the mourning stage and get on with the living and being happy for Philip. I can’t wait to meet him and get to know him. If I’m half as good of a friend as I think I am…I will recognize my dear friend’s heart right away and the sadness will disappear and be replaced with joy. I just wanted to share my feelings. Thanks for being such a wonderful person and friend.—————————————————————————–
Philips says: If anyone who knows she or I reads this and you ain’t tearing up at least a little bit, check your pulse, you may be dead!
Have not had any Earth shattering news but will post an unusual business situation I’m got myself into that is unique to the 30-something years I’ve been in the Mannequin game but, found this and wanted to share a 15yrs old short story about just what I went through-not being able to hold feelings in any longer:
Hi friends, I meant to post this some time back and it got “stuck” in the drafts folder,
I find this facinating and guess if I had been as financially blessed as charles here I would have had SRS as well-YIKES!!! Trying to get back that something you once had has to be expensive and tough-hard to replicate what God gave you as a male at birth….
I Admire Charles for telling his story candidtly and being able to re-evaluate and move on with his life-not sure I agree with the term “Trans-Regret”, but there are those who don’t agree with the term “De transition”…so….Anyway:
Been a while since my last post-a lot has happened but ordinary things that happen to all of us. I’ve moved and MUCH happier and at peace in new home with a great basement workshop that is full of mannequins for repairs, some mine, some belong to retailers, a couple are here for redo’s for collectors.
A reporter from the INLANDER(our weekly free paper)contacted our local LBGT Center about an interest in reporting on various people’s gender transitions. Matt announced this on the Facebook page, I called left a message, about a week later I met the reporter and we talked and here is the result:
I was a bit taken back/suprized that several people expressed interest but did not have time to talk with the reporter-a couple were nice enough to cancel but a few left her sitting by herself in coffee shops for hours being no-show and no-call besides being rude, this left them scrambling at last minute to fill a full page that was going to be for a few stories-since I was the only one, I got the page to myself.
My story is out of the norm as few detransition back. This is probably not what the general public things off when transition comes to mind so it will be interesting to see what people think.
Hello friends, family and blog readers. It’s been a while between blog’s due to technical issues now addressed and behind me thanks to my dear friends Kathie, Marc and Simon for getting me over this “hump” I’ll be eternally grateful and with your help, I can now move forward!
I’m behind so I guess today I’ll address physical changes since we last talked a while back. Surprisingly my voice is deeper-seriously- I was told that I was talking one day it kept “cracking”. I thought I was coming down with something or slept with the fan on-but it had deepened. I have one of those voices that when I began living as a female 32 years ago I felt voice therapy was necessary to help me my voice have a more feminine tone-what I got was six months of strep-throat and laryngitis. I had to fine my own tone. Now that nature has taken back over-it’s taken over my voice as well feels like I have gravel really deep in my throat so it’s strange but feels very natural.
Body hair. Who knows? I spent decades fending off body and facial hair so since I’m letting it grow wild I can’t say if I have more or less but I did some research, I remember years before moving here when I noticed guys in East Texas were shaving their legs-it sort of freaked me out-I was playing softball on my store’s team and wondered…how high up do they shave and what “else” is getting shaved? I like male body hair-it’s virile and the men’s magazines advise when I asked suggest shaving body hair only if you are an professional athlete. I’m not, so it’s there but I do keep it trimmed or shorter. I suffer from what I call “old man’s arm hair” you know, where it’s unusually long and grows in every direction-i.e.;some of our teachers arm hair when we were in high school? I’m trying to avoid that look!
Facial hair. I did complete permanent electrolysis on my face to the jawline and below that-it was scarce so I’m surprised I have a some sideburns hair that has re-grown as well as chin hair and below-jaw-hair and more may come back-we’ll see but I can play a bit with the sideburns length and width and have some on my chin that I’m experimenting with but -these facial hairs are mostly, sadly grey and upkeep to keep them the color of my colored hair is constant but it’s fun having some facial hair after all these years so I’m making the effort and again experimenting.
Muscle mass. Well, I’m working out with some weights and unless I begin to take muscle building supplements I may be stuck with a what I had before as a guy and girl, a swimmer or runner’s build though I felt I might be able to develop more body mass now since I have more body mass but we’ll see. Would be happy to just firm some certain area’s up-will keep you posted as things progress. Keep in mind decades of inducing female hormones smoothed out muscle mass as expected so may take a while longer to see if there is truly any difference in physical appearance.
So far I’m passing completely as a man in public, no confusion in Men’s rooms or checkout counters except where I had a discount card where they look a bit puzzled when reading then saying out loud “Thank you MS Phillips?”. Yes, I had to get all new cards under my new/old name and I have to get my ID updated as I was almost turned away by the door guy at the “CUFF” a Gay bar in Seattle he looked at my I.D., then me, then leaned forward saying “Dude, we’ll let you in this time but you gotta get a new picture…”. Yes, I look THAT different with the shorter, darker hair. That is a good thing. I like being referred to as “Buddy”, “Guy”, “Sir”, “Dude”, “Mr.”, “Tiger” and other terms of male endearment and I like hanging with the guys-who would have thunk it???
This may to TMI for some but I’ve been asked and have to be brutally honest as I promised myself I had to be when I started this blog-I never underwent Sexual Reassignment Surgery so I still have my male reproductive organs and they function fine-nuff-said. Now the subject of my “chest” I did have some augmentation done to make my chest appear female and it was highly successful. I did not get implants I elected to over time have silicone injections done over several years to gradually augment the breast area and they are very believable to the eye and touch. I have to say here that Silicone itself does not kill nor mame. I’ve had Silicone in my face and breast for over 20 years. It has NOT shifted, moved, denigrated nor migrated. If Silicone was gonna kill us, we’d all be dead. It’s in our cosmetics, hair products, lotions, cookware, lubricants, everything we all handle everyday. I digress. In order to make my chest more male in appearance it would take a lot of evasive surgery requiring a lot of incisions and scrapping away leading possibly to disfigurement or nerve damage. I’m seeking a qualified plastic surgeon who has experience with such a surgery to undo what I’ve had done. Till then a good sports bra will do-no way I’m strapping down my chest with a tight ace bandage.
This is where I am today at present-I am still surprised at this drastic change at this late age but friends, I’m happier and I hate to say “at peace with myself” as it is SO cliché but. there it is-I’ve said it and it’s true and feels really, really good! More to come-and if there are any questions, please feel free to ask. I’m not so surprised to find that I’m not the only one making this journey-back for a number of reasons. Suppose we are never alone though at times it can feel that way.