Skip to content

Huffing Post Interview August 9, 2013′

 Interview with me concerning my de-transiton:

Imagehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/09/transgender-nfl-cheerleader_n_3728301.html

TransGriot article: Philip Porter, Derrick Doll And Detransition Thursday, August 15, 2013

I had not scene this till recently, I found it very well done and in excellent taste! Thank you Gennee!:

http://transgriot.blogspot.com/2013/08/philip-porter-derrick-doll-and.html

————————————————————————————————-

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Philip Porter, Derrick Doll And Detransition

 
Until they moved to Nashville and became the Tennessee Traitors, I was a huge Houston Oilers fan.  When they started their cheerleading squad called the Derrick Dolls, one of my college classmates Thomasina was on it for a few years. 

And yes, it bothered me during the 80′s that I was in the wrong body to even have a shot at trying out for it and I was jealous of Thomasina for a minute because she was on that squad.  

So it jolted me when I heard about my fellow Texan Philip Porter’s detransition story and it subsequently coming out that during his 32 years as Phoebe he had been an NFL cheerleader in his trans feminine life. 

As he told his story on HuffPost Live recently, and seeing this picture of Phoebe as a trans Derrick Doll brought those memories back on how I felt back in my wandering in the gender wilderness 80′s.  

When I was watching those NFL home games being played at the Astrodome along with much of the city of Houston, I was struggling with my own gender issues.  It occurred to me that during the 1992 and 1993 season that Phoebe would occasionally pop on our TV sets, be part of two Derrick Dolls group photos, and take part in the various events the Dolls performed at or graced as hostesses around the city I was taking major steps to get my own transition started.   

Screen Shot 2013-08-10 at 6.05.44 PM
I respect Philip’s decision to detransition and hope he’s happy.  It’s his life, his journey and I wish him the best.   

But it also gives me an opportunity to talk about the contentious subject in Trans World of detransition.   

We transpeeps go through hell and back just to be recognized as the people we are now, and that journey to be our true selves is a satisfying one to 95% who aren’t even thinking about detransition.  That percentage shoots up to 98% if you include the people who have genital surgery.  

At the time I was doing my transition in 1994, one of the WPATH requirements in place was I had to do the ‘Real Life Test’ in order to get approval from my gender therapist to have genital surgery.  That RLT was in place so that people had an opportunity to back out if they were having second thoughts or had difficulty adjusting to life on the other side of the gender fence before the surgeon’s scalpel came into play.    

She said: 'I don't want to live in isolation, away from everyone I love. This is the only way forward. I just want to be happy and this is my last chance.'But instead of the focus on trans issues being about the people who are happily navigating their post transition lives or our challenges, the media focus at times becomes fixated on the very few people in our community who transition and decide to go back as Don Ennis,Ria Cooper and Philip Porter did.  

And sometimes it is the bizarre reasons these detransitioning peeps give for why they are doing so that also sets us off in Trans World.  

The oversaturation coverage of the instances of people detransisitioning leads to cis people asking us the annoying ‘When are you going to go back?’ question.   

When I got asked by a female student that question during an HCC-Southeast Trans 101 discussion I was conducting last year, my response to that student was why would I go back to the miserable existence and life I had before transition? 

There are a lot of reasons why people do so and it really should be a personal issue, but as the old saying goes, the personal can become the political.  That’s especially true when you have a marginalized group fighting for human rights coverage and at the same time be understood by the general public.  As they do so everything that happens to that marginalized group good, bad or indifferent is framed in that political context, especially by its enemies.  

It’s why detransition is such a contentious topic in the transgender community.  We get prickly about it not only because of our own personal psychic and sweat equity investments in perfecting our gender presentations and gender identities to the world, but by the awareness that far too often some of the people who do detransition become the trans equivalent of ‘Ex Gays’.      

Former Transgender Tells His StoryThey are seized on in conservative circles as a reason why trans human rights coverage shouldn’t be granted to the rest of us who are very happy in the trans skins we’re in.   

The detransitioned ‘Ex-Trans’ folks are also pimped by the Religious Reich and groups like PFOX as poster children and ‘proof’ that you trans people can use prayer to turn away from your ‘sinful’ lives as trans people 

Funny, it was after I attended a 1993 TD Jakes revival in Los Angeles and prayerful contemplation my faith led me to write the letter to the Rosenberg Clinic asking for the first available appointment that started my transition.

BTW peeps, Pat Robertson has said twice what we already know, that transsexuality isn’t a sin. 

But that doesn’t stop the Religious Reich from not only trying to push that loud and wrong message, they also use these stories of detransitioned ‘Ex Trans’ folks as a way to pimp their religious conversion therapies.

They are the same ones that didn’t work for gay folks, but they are now trying to retool them to grab the cash of parents desperate enough to try them to ‘fix’ their trans children.  

Whether it was the loathsome Jerry Leach in Kentucky or the recent story thatSabrina Samone told on her blog about P-FOX trumpeting the story of her ‘Ex-trans’ friend Darrell, the trans community gives these stories the hostile side eye when we hear them.  

Another reason for the trans pissivity when the issue of detransistion comes up besides the right wing and other trans haters exploitation of it is our sadness about the tragic story of Mike Penner, the LA Times sportswriter who famously transitioned to become Christine Daniels, transitioned back to Mike and committed suicide. 

So yes, Trans World is concerned on many levels when we hear about people detransistioning, but our biggest concerns are always going to be focused on the side of the well being of the person going through it.  

But if you use it as a way to attack the trans community in general, it’s on like Donkey Kong. 

 

My abilities as an Empath

star trekThis post may have little or nothing to do with De-transition but I’m trying to get out there that anyone can tap into this to their own Empath powers to improve their lives:

I came to know with help of my good friend Richard who has the gift of knowing, I’m blessed with a gift that makes me an Empath. Ever since I can remember as far back as my mind can reach, I upon sight “know” about a person. I can’t make you bend to my will but I an tell if you are depressed or happy, I can tell your motives about things but mostly how you feel about and your intentions toward me. this gift applies to being receptive to humans and animals and sometimes inanimate objects can speak to me-actually their cell memory, I can pick up on their former human owners feelings-confirming-what I already knew about animals having souls and inanimate objects are not really inanimate. I wish I had know just a tat earlier, this what can seem “nagging-tugs” could have saved me some very monetary/costly humiliation in business and a lifetime of hurt. all this has or will pass and it will be fine. Philips’s daily dose of Empath’s Wisdom to the masses is: never-ever second guess your first instinct-ever. Whether it is about someone or the answer on a test. We’ve all changed and answer on a test to find later that the first answer was the correct one leaving the second guessed answer wrong. same thing applies here. Wishing all a blessed Saturday, XOXOX

Philip’s Wardrobe Update!

Unlike Ken I'm a "living" doll but we both share great GQ wardrobes!

Unlike Ken I’m a “living” doll but we both share great GQ wardrobes!

Hi friends and family! I wrote previously in a post about my “less than stellar not to mention fashionable man’s wardrobe or my idea at the time of a GQ wardrobe, loose jeans, t-shirts and hoodies…WELL since I’ve managed in a short time to amass a decent male wardrobe through friend’s donations, Macy’s 6th floor clearance center and just great people who want me to look my best, I have three suits, numerous dress and casual shirts, two vests, numerous bow-ties, five pair of shoes and four great coats not quiet “What-not-to-wear” with Stacy and Clinton helping me shop since it was cancelled before my segment came to be but a great start! I feel like a giant living breathing Ken doll with a very up to the moment fashionable wardrobe as Ruth Handler insisted on(Google Ruth Handler)for ken complete with buttons, snaps and zippers! I feel i need a “Philip” carrying case to house me and my new wardrobe! 2014 is off to a great EPIC start as I intended! Pics to follow! Wishing all a Blessed weekend, thanks for reading!

Ending Month Three on Axiron(Testostrone Replacement)

axiron 1Hi friends and family, sorry for the absence of posts. I feel this one was News or “Blog” worthy! My friend Tam asked about timeline off Estrogen and on Testosterone so, the replay practically wrote this post:

Hi Tam, Sorry for the late reply. I was on numerous Estrogen including Premarin(the ONLY Estrogen at the time in the late 70′s),Estrodial, and a few others some injections. for a period of about 30 years before I discontinued Estrogen therapy approximately now, two years ago. I had my Testosterone levels checked where for a mane my age were middle to low and began on Axiron. I’m am on end of month three with T-Replacement. I am writing a post about this later today but yes spontaneous, rock-hard, hard to ignore and some nights-painful spontaneous erections I can also ejaculate and lab testing has found my sperm fertile buy estrogen abuse has rendered them non-swimming though sperm extraction would be necessary, this is a nice surprise and very exciting! About 6 months after stopping estrogen, I could easily get erections. I was warned, my body is kicked into puberty again and it’s true I’ve found, I’m so moody I can barely keep it to myself, I’m seeing “RED(feeling of rage)” faster than I’ve ever seen it but managing so far to hold it in, but also the good feeling as well as every emotion are magnified by about 1,000% these days. Physically, I am stronger and can tell my heart and lungs are working better, I’m eating like a horse, more about that in the upcoming post. I do suggest you see your Physician for labs before starting any Hormone type replacement therapy, this ain’t nothing’ to just “mess around” with! Thanks for reading and posting Tam, I’m trying to come up with some type of support forum just for us De-Transitionors. More to come as time goes on, thanks for reading!

Testosterone Replacement Therapy

axironHi all, Well after an absence here and a battery of labs since early March and levels being good, all low-to-normal, I got the go-ahead to start long awaited Testosterone replacement. My Physician Dr. Bala and I decided to try Axiron, a topical Testosterone creme applied to the armpits each morning. I did not know what to expect but I can report on day five, having started on the 20th, I can “feel it”.

Seems already pants are loose as visibly and measurably belly and love handle fat is shrinking(HAPPY-DANCE!)and I have that feeling that it’s truly in my blood stream by the feeling I got on Estrogen but took about six months to feel- which is an odd sort of “hands-gripping-both-kidneys-and -tugging downward”, not as painful as it sounds and I’m a bit warm but figure that is what is burning fat and just in general the testosterone getting into my system. If after only a few days I can feel it, can’t wait to see what happens after one months dosing!

I’m a bit stronger, tested this today by trying pull-ups and push-ups, as out of shape as I am I could complete three before giving out-before I could barely do one of each:-( I’m really excited and pumped to see what other changes happen in my body and I’ll keep you all posted. I have not noticed so far any difference or frequency in erections but told they could last w-a-y longer. We’ll see.

One fascinating and kind of exciting thing we discovered during the Semen Analysis is that I’m still fertile after all those years of taking estrogen, Just knowing I could father kids has made me feel a bit younger! Keeping in mind, I’m 54 now, would be in my 70′s by the time kid was out of the house…, a friend quipped “Philip, have a kid, you’ll have someone to change your diapers”, LOL!

Well, you all are caught up, I’ll write a bit more later. If you have any questions, please ask, the only ignorant question is the one you DON’T ask!

I’m still “ME”, and Phoebe is and will always be with me

I was given permission by a wonderful dear lady from East Texas who’s been a friend for what seems like forever to post her reply when I posted I was closing out “Phoebe’s Yahoo Acct. and the files I had not seen in so long, going through, deleting, fwd-ing important one’s to “Philip’s Yahoo Acct., etc., I was surprised  at her reply but my friend had only knew “PHOEBE” and upon reading the below post about deleting Phoebe’s Yahoo account had this very moving message that made me cry, this is truly the traits one wants in friends and I’m blessed Roo to know you and Love you dearly as you Love me:——————————————————————————————————————————————————–
Ruchia Moran:

I want to say Dear Phoebe, but I need to get used to Dear Philip. I have to tell you this is a bit difficult for me. I know mentally that you have made the change back to Philip, but you see…I never knew Philip. I knew Phoebe. Phoebe was gorgeous and talented, sweet and hilarious. Phoebe would tell me if my fashion was hip or a drip, my make up great or caked. Phoebe was witty to a fault and always made me smile or laugh, especially when I needed it most. Phoebe knew when I was down to my last nerve or needed to escape. Phoebe understood art…one of my passions, even those I couldn’t paint a stick person. Phoebe loved a good biography book as much as I did and let me borrow hers (I still have them, but you have to come get them!) . My point is this. I think I need to grieve. I haven’t accepted the reality of Philip yet. I HATE this feeling that I will never see Phoebe again….I refuse to accept the fact that Phoebe is no more. Phoebe was my friend and I loved her goofy self. I never got a chance to say goodbye. I admit I cried….I don’t think I’m through crying…like I said, I’m grieving, but eventually…with Philip’s help, I can get past the mourning stage and get on with the living and being happy for Philip. I can’t wait to meet him and get to know him. If I’m half as good of a friend as I think I am…I will recognize my dear friend’s heart right away and the sadness will disappear and be replaced with joy. I just wanted to share my feelings. Thanks for being such a wonderful person and friend.—————————————————————————–

Philips says: If anyone who knows she or I reads this and you ain’t tearing up at least a little bit, check your pulse, you may be dead!

——-Friends, after I read this she and I had a long chat, I was able to assure my Dear Friend Roo, as we all call her, that Phoebe is not dead, Phoebe and I are very much alive in this one body, only the outside has changed not the inside, she had asked during out private chat if others has voiced this same sad sentiment, I said only one-only one till I re posted her response-the floodgate opened. You’ll see a few responses to her re-posted response on my FB page, even more came to my Yahoo mail inbox, several through private message on FB and more  this morning-I have to say I couldn’t feel more shocked nor more loved! I’m truly blessed to be on folks minds and hearts as they are in my mine.
I first want to assure all, Phoebe is NOT dead, I’m the same on the inside, my outward appearance is altered a bit but I’m still my original essence. I had a long talk with a dear friend Bo who is Native Indian, he is considered in the situation I’m in to be not transgendered but “Twin-Spirit” and revered by  Indian culture through out history. Bo and I are with one another TRULY Twin-Spirits as we share the same birthday June 18, but I digress. He and I came to the conclusion I also am a “Twin-Spirit” as I embody both male and female essences, I always have and always will regardless of what gender I choose to outwardly appear to be. An quick example to share is animals who only are drawn to or like females instead of men are drawn to me-this has been a constant throughout my life and I don’t think that will ever change, I’ve always like to cook, sew, craft, create, things at one time considered activities girls liked over boys and you were a sissy if you let it be known back then, these days more boys like all and participating in them,and not judged, I never changed, times did and for the better
 
I only got into sports before I left East Texas six years ago as I found my body was no longer frail, thin and downright scrawny as I was as a kid with no strength at all. I also found out of necessity. I like working on cars, have always been great with my hands and liked building things.
The compassion and humanity people feel for me is overwhelming, knowing prayers have been sent that I’m just ok and happy and I have to again say along the lines of my public speaking and Inlander article when I meet people after a speaking event or when the approach me upon recognizing me, nothing negative is ever surprisingly been relayed about stereotypical non-sense one(me)might be braced for or expect. I only receive outpourings of love and understanding or trying to grasp and understand my decision and situation.I’m choked up and not felt so moved since I don’t know when-I’m truly Blessed and this finds me renewed with so much strength, faith  and confidence to do what I feel I need to do which is be a great role model & teacher not just for community’s like Trans, Gay, but for the human race as that is the one thing we have in common when it’s broken down. My dear friend Matt Cannon is always saying he looks forward to it one day just being that and not fragmented into so many off-shoots, labels, categories as it is presently is though, we’ve all come so far and getting there-baby steps.
 
I write this pledging to myself, God and everyone to be today and everyday the best “Philip” I can be and never again take for granted or feel I’m alone in this or be as lazy as I’ve been with this blog as I’ve been as I’m ‘in here’ and don’t always see what others see or feel about me and my unique situation. I’ll be blogging more and keeping up with it starting today with this new post. At least one more today will follow
 
Thank you Roo, Elder Larry, Cynthia, Walter, Glenda, Dianne, Angela, Ellen(It still seems like I batted my eye and you were suddenly a wife, mother and beautiful woman-when DID that happen, LOL!,Image )Trish and  the seriously countless as I’ve lost count of the friends and family who responded thorugh Facebook message and my Yahoo Email, and those who read and “like” the post on FB, I had no idea I had this much support-Thanks all again, I’m truly and deeply touched!
 
More to come in my blog and more often.
 
With Love and Gratitude,
 
Philip
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.